Sunday, 07 December 2008

• Do I care what people think about me?

  If you asked me this question on any normal day, week, month, year, I would tell you the same thing, No. Normally I don't care about what people think of me. It's their opinion and their entitled to it.

  But...

  This past week I found out that this boy, that I may or may not have liked, was minorly upset that I was trying out for our school's musical because he doesn't like me. Now, he had never led to make me believe he had any problem with me, or so I thought.

  But I think that's the problem. I thought, and I've thought so much about what I could have done to make him dislike me that it made me upset. Not only that but I've thought about the signs, or what could be percieved as signs, as to him taking a disliking in me. Thinking about those signs, and seeing that most of them were obvious, made me feel like I was naive and could take a hint. I felt stupid for thinking that he might think of me as friend.

  If I look back on the time I thought we were fine, I was always trying to impress him. It just doesn't feel like me. He best friends with a couple of my friends and I guess part of it was if I'm not friends with the whole group I tend to get pushed away when I'm with them. Not literally of course, but while we hang out I slowly get pushed away from conversation until it's like I'm not there anymore.

  Yesterday I decided it wasn't worth my energy to care about it anymore. It's done, and it's over. I just felt that writing it out, and blogging about it, might help me get over it better. I just can't figure out why it bugs me so much that he doesn't like me.

  Oh well, his loss I suppose.

  ♥Nikki♥

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